So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
