There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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