"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
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it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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