I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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