I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
