am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
