And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
