They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
