They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
whose parrot is this?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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