Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
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