Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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