someone threw a dead crab at me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
