just come out here and I will go home with you...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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