WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
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I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.