Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better