Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dating After Heartbreak
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.