South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?