you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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