my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
