WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
