Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
