Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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