I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
