I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
