I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
