You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
