i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
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why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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