ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
