what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
