I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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