Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
