my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
