Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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