I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
