I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
