I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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