In America we eat man semen.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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