eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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