It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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