Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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