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My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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