I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
