There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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