This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
