new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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