The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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