no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
