Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
