Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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