Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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