Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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