Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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