Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
