there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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