How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
