like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
