Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
