Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
