I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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