and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
