I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
