I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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