a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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