He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
