i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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