just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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