Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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