good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
