And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
